My mind is on a rampage. Ok, I’ll just call it what it is. I am slightly anxious about something. Anxious about something that is so run of the mill for healthy people, but kind of a huge deal for a spoonie.
Does anybody else with chronic pain have trouble going new places and doing new things when you are unsure what the situation will be like?
This week I have to attend a church service at a church I have never been to. It is related to my job, and I do not have to attend, but it is highly encouraged. I could have said no, but I would have had to have a good excuse.
My excuse is that it is inconvenient to me to do new things when I am unsure what I will be facing. Yeah, pretty sure that will not cover it.
What I mean is, I have so many questions.
Will there be parking right next to the building?
Will I have to walk or stand for any period of time to get to where I need to be?
Will the chairs be wooden? Uncomfortable? Pews? Unbearable?
If they are unbearable, what will my options be?
What if I have to leave in the middle of the service?
Is this the kind of church where I will get looks if I sit down when people are supposed to be standing?
Will I be expected to stand up and mingle after the service? Because that sounds like too much.
What if I need to skip church (like sometimes happens), but I committed to going already, so how upset will work be if I have to cancel?
Ok, so it gets worse. After the service, we are supposed to walk to another building for a grand opening of a new counseling center.
The questions intensify.
How far of a walk will it be?
How crazy will people think I am if I drive to a place that is a block away?
What if I walk there, and I am not able to walk back?
What if I drive there, but once I am in the building, there is nowhere convenient to sit?
What if I have to leave before it is socially acceptable to do so.
My mind is a stressful place at times.
So, I’m going, but I am not happy about it. Likely my body will do fine, but I’m just bitter because it will probably mean that I then won’t be able to do anything else for the day. I would rather go to my normal, familiar church service without all of the stress and angst and then still have spoons left to make dinner for example.
But, sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.
I’ll try to remember to let you know how it goes.