Today has been an exceedingly rough day. I woke up last night in an anxious sweat, feeling my body turn against me, and just knowing the next day would be difficult. I lay there searching for some shred of hope to set my sights on, some truth to ground me in that moment so I could rest in peace.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5
Over and over, I repeated this verse in my mind, willing myself to trust and believe it as true and valid. I’m trying to make sense of this whole chronic pain thing, and it simply doesn’t fit into my own understanding. Over and over I question, and it keeps not making sense. So, instead of seeking to make sense of this pain based on my own understanding, I am holding on to acknowledging God, and believing that he will direct me when I start to do that.
If I can truly start to believe this verse, maybe all this pressure of guilt and feeling responsible will be taken off my shoulders. Maybe I will truly start to believe that chronic pain is the path God has set me on; I can only do the best with what I have been given.