I have written my share of posts depicting the darker side of chronic pain. If I had a motto for my blog, it would be that I tell the whole truth, in all its gritty and not-so-pleasant details.
For over two months from mid-September through the end of November, I went through a massive flare that left me unable to get out of bed except to fulfill the least of my obligations. Somehow I managed to get through my few hours of work each week (I’m going to call that a miracle), but other than that, I didn’t get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and get food to eat.
It was a dark time, and I was unsure if I would come out the other side. Perhaps I would stay lost in the darkness forever.
I am thankful because, at least for now, I am seeing some light. I am not healthy by any means. I still do very little beyond the necessities of life, but I am in much less pain. I am making progress, and doing the bare necessities is now manageable. I’m swimming a hard path up current instead of wondering if I will drown.
I don’t know how long it will last. The progress has never truly lasted. Something always sets off another flare, and I find myself back at the bottom of the pit, needing to drag myself out all over again. But for now, while I’m up on higher ground, I need to take time to celebrate the good, just as in those past months I mourned the bad.
I’m celebrating the fact that I can shower regularly without using up every last drop of that day’s energy.
I’m celebrating that this past week I went shopping, carried the groceries inside, and put them away all by myself without even resting in-between.
I’m celebrating that my physical therapist says she can tell that my body is changing. I’m slowly building up my small regimen of physical therapy exercises little by little.
I’m celebrating that for the first time in months I’ve been able to plan ahead beyond the next five minutes by putting healthy meals away into the freezer.
I’m celebrating that my mood has improved, I’m not feeling hopeless, and each day I wake up ready to take on that day’s work.
I’m celebrating the small steps, because in the end they are what accumulate into the big steps.
I’m celebrating that even though I do not know what the future will hold, at least for now, God is giving me a small break from this tiresome journey.
I’m resting my feet because who knows what the future will bring.