In so many areas of my life, I’m just not “there yet.” I see where I need to be, the vision is cast before me, and perhaps I am even headed in the right direction. But why must the destination feel so wildly out of reach?
I feel this is entirely normal and to be expected. Life is a walking and moving journey that does not end in this lifetime, and to think I have reached my destination would be misguided, perhaps even delusional. For when we reach the place we think we need to be, we look around new corners, realizing there is still ever so much farther to go. There are always places of new understanding and wisdom to reach, new sins to conquer, new plans and callings to accomplish.
I’m just not there yet. And each day I become a little more comfortable living this nomadic life. I realize that life has always been this way, and it has taken trials and troubles to unrealize any vain semblances of feeling as though I somehow finished and found the end. I was never there, even when I thought I was.
I am learning to beware the moments when my mind thinks, “I’ve got this,” “I’m there now,” or “I’ve got this figured out.” These thoughts always come right before I fall flat on my face. I’m learning to beware other people who make these same claims, and to beware even more of contrived step-by-step lists claiming to bring me to some enlightened destination. Lists don’t work for me because my life doesn’t journey or travel a straight line. My life is more akin to a tangle of yarn, a thicket of briars, or a messy and muddy field that must be carefully traversed in shoes that can’t get wet.
So I’m beginning with one thing I am sure of: I don’t have it figured out. And I’m most comfortable with other people who can also admit they don’t have it all figured out. Because no one has it figured out completely, some people are just better at pretending. And yes, I do look to those people who are further along than me, have navigated this journey longer, and can give helpful advice along the way. But we all live a unique life, with one-of-a-kind twists and turns that must be dealt with as they come. Don’t give me a list, but I would be ever so grateful if you walked alongside me instead.