I’m not sure where you live, but here in Maryland it feels like full on spring weather. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, my feet aren’t purple from the cold, and I feel a strong impulse to go outside and stand in the warm air.
Yesterday felt hopeful. Is it just me, or does it seem like the year begins all over again when the weather turns warm? How wonderful to get a small taste of that this February.
So far, we have had little to no snow this winter. Such a difference from the mammoth snow fall we had last year. I am thankful for no snow. Can it stay this way forever? Make it to summer without snow? Years and years without snow? Maybe I need to move south.
This February I have been making this version of Chai tea and cozying up on the couch with some good fiction. I have been reading books like Dark Matter (so good!) and Small Great Things (still in the middle of this one). I found this blog post of unputdownable books, and I’m slowly reading through the selections that stand out to me – it may be my favorite list of fiction I have found. I like people with good taste.
In a lot of ways, I have stepped back this month. I was reading this article about creating time to think, and I think I am in a season of wanting and needing that type of space. I’ve stepped back from writing so much. I’ve stepped back from freelance work. I’ve stepped back from most everything but occasional posts on this blog.
I think in the past I would have felt guilty about this. About not working as much as I could, doing less than I am able. But to a large degree I have let go of that. I’m mostly thinking and contemplating my next move. I still have lots of ideas for my next booklet, my next project, but so far, 2017 has been a writing hiatus of sorts, and I’m okay with that.
Mostly, I have been focusing on work. It feels like the thing to do in this season I am in for now. I have been doing more research than normal for my counseling clients, and coming across a lot of good resources. I love this website on PTSD, and if you have intrusive thoughts, this method has been so helpful for a few of my clients.
I’ve also been doing a lot of dreaming. Always a frightening prospect when the ups and downs of life are so uncertain. I’m fifteen weeks away from fulfilling all the requirements for full counseling licensure. Right now I am set to finish at exactly the deadline. Somehow, I thought that might happen – just enough, but not a crumb more.
I have been doing a lot of looking back and a lot of looking forward. Not in the bad sense of being pulled backward into depression or forward into anxiety. It’s the good kind of looking back – the kind where I see things I never could have seen in the moment. It’s the good kind of looking forward – the kind where I dream dreams that may or may not happen, and I think I will be okay either way.
It hasn’t been a perfect February by any means, but February is typically the dreariest and most depressing month of the year, and this year it hasn’t been quite so much. This year, February feels like a month of reading and learning and thinking and looking ahead.
I’m enjoying the consistency of typing out Tuesday afternoon blog posts, the freedom of posting on social media only when I desire, the letting go of blog stats and book sales. It’s here for the taking, or the not taking.
It feels like spring. I know life comes with ups and with downs. They shift and they surge. Daily, weekly, monthly, hourly. And some days this month still feel wintry and dreary. But today, it feels like spring.