Sitting in the Sadness

Lately, each day fades into the other until I lose track of which day of the week it is. The days seem to come right after the other, a meaningless collision of each day leaking into the next.

These days I feel lost in an abyss that is between worlds, stuck between the world of sickness and the world of health. The days don’t have the same crushing pain and despair of a life of constant and severe pain. They are more filled with confusion and a nagging ache of pain that is getting better but is not better yet and who knows what tomorrow will bring.

And I don’t know if it is the weather, my own losses, or the losses of the people around me, but I just feel so much sadness. I am sure it is a combination of the three. A soul-crushing weight presses down, leaking sadness out of my heart.

I wouldn’t be surprised to look down and see the sadness seeping out of my pores. I imaging that the sadness would be a sludge of black, dull and without a shimmer. I imagine the sadness would be thick and slow, never ceasing, more and more of it seeping out as the days and the nights continue with so much still wrong in the world.

I haven’t lost hope. I know other days won’t feel this way. But for now, I’m just sitting in the sadness.

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  1. I wish I could type more/better today through my pain to articulate what I want to say…
    Thank you for sharing your heart- your very strong enduring beautiful heart that so many look up to. I appreciate so much that you are being vulnerable. Staying strong and positive and grateful and fighting the pain and illness- all of it is exhausting.. As if life weren’t wearing enough already! Thank you for showing that there is no shame in feeling your emotions. And being.
    God be with you today.

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